Fighting a Losing Battle

One of the main problems with depression is that it never really goes away. No matter what the experts say, no matter how much CBT training or counselling you have, it is always there, somewhere in the background!

I refuse to take medication for it, probably not the best idea I've ever had but I just think it's un-natural to pump our bodies full of medication all the time. I also swear that the medication changes people, they become very detached from the world and un-naturally dosile.

Over the years I have tried many different methods for managing depression and none of them have really worked but I do now have a sort of system that seems to work quite well.

It is quite simply a weekly routine. Everyday we have at least one thing to go to or do. Like today, Tuesday, we go to one toddler group in the morning that starts at 10am, so I have to get up, get dressed and get out of the house. Now to anyone that has never suffered with depression this wouldn't seem like a big deal, but to someone that does suffer sometimes just managing to get out of bed in the morning is a massive achivement! 

Then this afternoon we have another group to go to. It helps to split the day up so you know that you don't have a whole day at home with two little ones that will inevitably get bored and start playing up. It helps me to know we have stuff to do and places to go, it helps to put me in the right frame of mind for the day.

So on days like today, when I feel tired, achey and just general rough it helps me to drag my behind out of bed and forces me to get on with it even though all I want to do is curl up in a ball in my bed and never get out again. 

What about you then, do you have a coping mechanism? Or are you one of the lucky ones that has never suffered with it? 

Lost in a Sea of Nothing in Particular!

It's happened, it was inevitable really. This is how it always goes and probably always will throughout my life.

I got bored and lost interest. 

I'm taking about my blog that I was so enthusiastic about at the start (like most of my 'projects') and then I find something new that captures my attention and I'm off on the next 'great idea'. Hence why one of my 100 things to do before I die is 'follow through on at least one of my ideas'!

The only thing I have ever seen through in my life is being a mother and that's probably only because I don't really have a choice in the matter now.

These past few weeks have been a bit of a blur really. I've hardly been out of the house at all and haven't seen any of my friends. I think I've gone into full blown hiebernation mode. I wouldn't say that I'm in a depressive state right now but I can feel it there just lingering in the background, waiting to pounce. 

 I find it so tiring trying to fight it all the time and sometimes it's just easier to give into it but for now I'm still fighting it.

So what have I missed in blog land while I've been gone??

Mixed Emotions with Montessori

H has started at a new pre school this term (his last one closed down!) and I'm already starting to have doubts about it.

I was really excited about him starting because I loved the whole ethos that the place has. Think hippy, free play, yoga and nature. It sounded ideal, they even learn Mandarin. 

It is a Montessori nursery...

' Montessori education is characterized by an emphasis on independence, freedom within limits, and respect for a child’s natural psychological development, as well as technological advancements in society.'

Image by Rjabinnik

My main concern started this morning when I dropped H off. All of the doors were open (as usual) so we just walked straight in, hung up his bag and put on his indoor shoes. He went straight off to play, no problems there. It wasn't until I looked around me ane realised that there wasn't another adult in sight. Just masses of little people running around, doing their free play bit. I didn't really know what to do, did I just walk off and leave him there? Should I stay and make sure all of these children were safe? What if H decided to go for a walk, they wouldn't even know I had dropped him off. (There is a signing in sheet somewhere, if you can find it!)

Image by Ian Britton

In the end I decided that maybe I was just be over paranoid as all of the other mummies appeared to be just dropping off and going. So I did the same. 

Can't say that I haven't been worrying about it all day though so I thought I'd just have a look at their ofsted report. Oh my I wish I hadn't! In brief... no CRB checks for any staff, no children observation and achievment folders, no key workers, The effectiveness of safeguarding scored inadequate and overall the quality of the provision is satisfactory.

Image by Isaac Bowen

Now lets be honest here a three year old doesn't care whether he has a key worker or his own folder with chapter and verse on how he is developing. He just knows that when he goes there he has fun with his friends in a nice relaxed atmosphere. What more could you ask for for your child? 

Image by Mark Tomlinson

I like to think of myself as a fairly laid back kind of person, (the OH calls me his little hippy chick) but I fail to be laid back when it comes to my childrens safety. So what do you think, am I just falling into the trap of our ridiculous modern day obsession with health and safety and ticking all of the right boxes? Is this nursery bad for H just because they're not fullfilling the government written standards on how our children should be learning?

Regaining Control

My blog feels neglected, poor blog! 

We were so busy last week that I literally had no time to think let alone write.

I know it's bad but I've felt nervous all week that I might be missing out on the goings on in the blog world. Whoever says blogging isn't addictive is lying, well I suppose there are worse things to be addicted to aren't there?

I've decided this week, what with my anxiety levels still rising, that I need to get organised, I need to have a system, I need a way of prioritising my time. So I have made a home central area...

This is my way of getting everything in one place. I am a self confessed lover of lists. I have lists everywhere and for everything. Lists for shopping, lists of things I need to do, lists of things I want to do, lists of things I want the OH to do. 

I feel that I have lost control of the house this week and everything is piling on top of me, hopefully this 'home central' idea is the answer. 

The trouble is now I've organised one aspect of the house I want to do the rest, look out linen cupboard here I come!