Lost in a Sea of Nothing in Particular!

It's happened, it was inevitable really. This is how it always goes and probably always will throughout my life.

I got bored and lost interest. 

I'm taking about my blog that I was so enthusiastic about at the start (like most of my 'projects') and then I find something new that captures my attention and I'm off on the next 'great idea'. Hence why one of my 100 things to do before I die is 'follow through on at least one of my ideas'!

The only thing I have ever seen through in my life is being a mother and that's probably only because I don't really have a choice in the matter now.

These past few weeks have been a bit of a blur really. I've hardly been out of the house at all and haven't seen any of my friends. I think I've gone into full blown hiebernation mode. I wouldn't say that I'm in a depressive state right now but I can feel it there just lingering in the background, waiting to pounce. 

 I find it so tiring trying to fight it all the time and sometimes it's just easier to give into it but for now I'm still fighting it.

So what have I missed in blog land while I've been gone??

'Quote of the Week' - School

 

For this weeks theme for 'Quote of the Week' I have chosen 'School'. 

I thought this was fairly relevant for most people with children at the moment. Whether it be baby ones starting pre schools, little ones going to real school, bigger ones going to big school or even bigger ones fleeing the nest and going to university. 

September can be quite a stressful time for all involved with preperation, worry about the unknown and organisation but it can also be a time when a lot of mothers breathe a sigh of relief. It's not that we don't love them it's just that no one can be a perfect parent 24/7 and sometimes a break is very welcome.

Feel free to join in with this weeks quote of the week, click here for how it works. Happy quote hunting.

The Gallery - Family

I have very little time this week so unfortunately my blog is taking a bit of a break but I'll try and put some pictures up. Everything will be back to normal next week I promise.

So this weeks theme for the Gallery over at Tara's blog Sticky Fingers is... FAMILY.

I have chosen a picture of my Grandmother, (my father's mother). 

She died when I was 5 so I never really got to know here properly but I do have lots of gorgeous photos of her and this is one of them...

The First Five Years

 The first five years of a little ones life are by far the most important in terms of their development and also for setting a good foundation of morals and values.

 'The experiences of the child during such sensitive periods may shape his or her future course of development in a manner that will be difficult to change later'. (Introduction to Psychology)

Research has also shown that the first five years are particulary important for the development of the childs brain. These early experiences will have a direct impact on how the child will develop social and emotional skills which will have an effect on them for the rest of their lives. 

'Children learn more quickly during their early years than at any other time in life. They need love and nurturing to develop a sense of trust and security that turns into confidence as they grow'. (Facts for Life)

 Image by Christina Welsh

'New research shows the critical impact of a child's "environment of relationships" on developing brain architecture during the first months and years of life. ' (Harvard University)

Now I don't know about you but this kind of thing really freaks me out. I have two children under 5 and I am constantly worried about everything I do with them and how that will effect them later on in life. Whether it be letting them watch a bit too much TV, sometimes forgetting to brush their teeth or losing my temper with them because they have just pushed me too far that day and then spending the entire evening feeling like the worst Mother in the world.

Image by Nichole

 They say the first five years are the most crucial for the childs development but what they don'y say is that it's also the hardest years for the Mother. 

There will never again be a time where they will be so demanding of you, totally rely on you for everything from wiping their bums, feeding and clothing them to seeing to them when they wake in the night. 

So my question is, that if a Mother is already under so much pressure just to get through a day with everyone in one piece, how can any of this so called 'breakthrough research' really help us?

We already know that our children look to us for guidance and reassurance in this big scary world. We already know that to much TV is bad for them. We already know they need to eat fruit and veg everyday and we already know that we must teach them right from wrong. 
So how about trusting us Mothers to bring up our children the best we can and just letting us get on with it. They don't call it Mother's Intuition for nothing you know.

Image by Chirastar

Do all mother's lose their identity?

I was going through some boxes full of old stuff that I’ve collected over the years and came across loads of photo’s of me (pre – babies) and I can’t believe how much I have changed in such a short space of time.

Pre children I was the life and soul of a party, mine was the house that everyone use to hang out at, whether it be a massive party, a big old bbq or a sing song round the fire pit (handmade by me from an old oil drum).  Whatever the group decided to do it would be at mine and looking back through those photos reminded me just how often we use to do things like that.

 

Image by Jason Brown

I never spent a huge amount of time pampering etc but if I was going out for the evening I would always make an effort to make myself feel good , nowadays I would rather choice to stay in than go out at all, mainly because I can’t muster up the energy to get ready, by the time I’ve put the kids to bed all I want to do is die on the sofa with a well earned glass of vino.

 Image by Oliver323

Although looking back through those old photo’s did make me feel a slight prang of longing for my pre baby, single life it also made me realise how meaninless my life actually was. I had bounced from course to course not really knowing what I wanted to do, I’d also bounced from boyfriend to boyfriend not really wanting to be with any of them, and even with all the parties, friends and wild nights I was the most depressed and lonely I have ever been in my life.

Now however, even though I’m tired, constantly look like I’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards and  have a serious case of agrophobia, I have never been happier in my life.

 Image by Peyri Herrera

 I never really get these woman that say things like ‘Just because I have children now doesn’t mean my life will have to change’. Mainly because I don’t see how it is possible to have children and your life not to change. Whether it be having less time to spend on the way you look, constantly feeling tired or it always becoming a military operation just to get out of the house. No one plans for them to take over your life, they just do.

Finding the balance between being the best mummy that you can but at the same time still feeling like a human being has to be the hardest thing about being a mother.

 Image by Darek Zon

So how much have your lives changed since having kids?

A Big Moan

Photo by auensen

I am fed up today.
I am fed up with waking up every morning and feeling like I have been beaten up with a baseball bat.
I am fed up with having to force myself to get out of bed every day.
I am fed up with always feeling ill and tired.
I am fed up with continually shouting at my son.
I am fed up with struggling to get through every day.
I am fed up with spending all day wishing for bedtime.
I am fed up with the weather and the cold.
I am fed up with going to mother & baby groups and having to pretend that I'm happy to be there.
I am fed up with not be able to do anything that I want to do.
I am fed up with the constant nappy changes.
I am fed up with trying to get my son to wee in the toilet.
I am fed up with being continually moaned at, shouted at or kicked at by my son.
I am fed up with doing the washing up.
I am fed up with the endless amounts of washing that my family produce.
I am fed up with constanlty feeling on edge and like I can't relax.
I am fed up with always being cross.
I am fed up with always feeling like I'm a bad mother.

Basically I'm having a bad day.
The only thing to do is to write today off and hope for a better day tomorrow and maybe some sunshine to. x

Photo by Fabio Marini