Showing posts with label toddler. Show all posts
Showing posts with label toddler. Show all posts

Thursday, 23 August 2012

Daddy's to do list

Image found on Pinterest

I have a list, it's not a particualriy long list, the jobs on it aren't really that hard to do. Infact I could probably do most of them myself if I really put my mind to it but this is not my list, this is Daddy's list. The same list that has been stuck up on the wall in his office for quite some time now, with nothing scrubbed out or ticked off. This upsets me. 
I like lists, it's a simple way of organising your day to day activities without forgetting anything or getting sidetracked by other things (dam you Pinterest).

So as I said Daddy's list has been sitting there for a longer than I can cope with, even my moving it around the room in the vain hope that he might notice it again, has failed. So instead of continually nagging him about said list, I have written him a new one. We'll see how fast things start to get ticked off now.

Daddy’s to do list

1)      Fix the windscreen on my car. The small crack has now spread from the top to the bottom. If you don’t then just be warned that after we die (from the car crash that we will inevitably  have because of the cracked winscreen) I shall haunt you everyday for the rest of your life!

2)      Put up Lj’s new curtain pole in her bedroom, if you don’t I shall just have to find a new place to shove it. Somewhere that the sun doesn’t shine perhaps?

3)      Take the handrail off  the wall in the en-suite. If you don’t and I hit my elbow on it one more time then I might just cry (full on , snot running down my face crying) and we all know that nothing makes a man more uncomfortable than a crying woman.

4)      Cut the grass, I don’t want to have to send out a search party everytime the toddler goes out there!  I could, of cause, do this myself but this is a mans job, as is taking out the rubbish, washing the cars and fixing broken things.

5)      Sort out the timer on the water heater. If the kids have to have one more cold bath I think they may get hypothermia. I’m pretty sure that the kids lips turning blue is a bad sign.

Love your adoring and slightly mad other half x

Tuesday, 7 August 2012

10 things Daddy's do...

1) Please don't come in five minutes before bedtime and wind the kids up by chasing, tickling or blowing raspberries on their bellies. This is not helpful and results in it taking mummy another half an hour to calm them down and get them to go to sleep!

2) Please don't throw the kids into the air or hang them upside down by their ankles just after they have eaten, I know I keep saying it but one day they will throw up!

3)  Please don't catapult the kids onto the bed, they might think it's funny but Mummy has just made that bed!

4) Please don't scream obscenities out of the car window at fellow road users, little ears hear everything and you can guarantee that they will choose to repeat them at just the wrong moment when they are with mummy!

5) Please don't fart infront of the kids, just because they laugh hysterically it doesn't make it alright!

6) Please don't try and pretend that you can't smell that massive poo in their nappy just so you don't have to change it, the wallpaper is hanging off of the walls!

7) Please don't attempt to dress the children again. A sparkly dress, wooly tights and wellies is not a good combination, ever, especially for messy play!

8) Please don't feed them biscuits right before dinner time, I don't care if they have given you puppy dog eyes, they know what they are doing!

9) Please don't enter into long negotiations with the one year old over whether or not she can have another biscuit, save your breath we already now how it's going to end, she always win!

10) Please don't tell the kids silly things like 'If you put a slice of ham in the DVD player it will play a short film about pigs'. We can't afford to keep replacing it.

Wot So Funee?

I have joined in with Actually Mummy's linky 'wot so funee?'

Wednesday, 9 May 2012

Mummy CV

Career Objective
 A full-time position in Mummyness where I can demonstrate my cleaning, washing and running around after everyone else skills.

I can work for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year without sick pay, days off  or holidays.

If you are seeking a person that is so tired that they end up putting the kettle in the fridge and the milk in the washing machine then I’m the woman for you. 

Summary of Skills 

  • Cook
  • Cleaner
  • Taxi Driver
  • Bottle Washer
  • Nappy Changer 
  • Councellor
  • Negotiator 
  • Nurse
  • Fluent in Baby Gibberish
  • Stain Removing Skills
  • Healing Hands
  • Great Intuition
  • Teacher
  • Referee 
  • Maid
  Career Highlights

  • Finally getting baby to go to sleep after hours of rocking
  • Getting a fussy toddler to eat a brussel sprout
  • Building a home out of playdough
  • Getting the crayon marks off of the wall
  • Keeping a child amused with a upside down tin and a wooden spoon
  • Getting everyone up, dressed, fed & out of the house in under and hour
  • Surviving their first day of school without becoming a nervous wreck
  • Shopping in Tesco with two children and coming out in one piece & with everything I went in for  
  • Cooking an 'almost' edible meal while having a screaming toddler clung to one leg